Glowtato based high proof vodka poured in to a bottle, lit and thrown. Those carrot trebuchets will burn! We shall call it the Glowokov Cocktail!

Greetings, friends. After slaving myself day and night to perfect a weapon of true potato destruction, I have devised the...

It's not like your regular whip, it has heavy-weight potatoes attached at the ends of each strand. Instead of having a slicing impact against foes, it has a bludgeoning effect. This kind of affordable weapon could be quickly mass produced for an army. Not only would a weapon like this turn wooden trebuchets into splinters, but it would mash those carrots into dinner.

Just imagine being on the recieving end of this whip device. The neverending pummeling of a dozen potatoes breaking your bones into nothingness.

Two days and one sleepless night I spent creating weapons of mass destruction from the glowing spuds, but it was chance that brought the answer to me.

Shelves and tables were full of both Glotatoes and Carrots in my workshop as I tested properties, strengths, weaknesses. But when my top shelf broke and a sack of Glotatoes crushed the crate of Carrots underneath, it was almost too simple a solution. So I branded it Carrot Bane, and I sent over the schematics to our farmers, so we can get this glorious weapon out to our front lines.

For what is more deadly than the most simple of sacks full of the most heavy of spuds being swung with great force by our boys out there keeping us safe at night.

The fire rain

The fire rain is a joint effort from our tinkerers, alchemists, paper makers, smiths and brewers.

The glowtatoes are first peeled, the skin is sent to the paper makers to make a rough but quite sturdy heavy paper out of the glowtatoes skin.

the peeled glowtatoes are divided into three batches,

• the first one is sent to the brewers which will distilled a high proofed alcohol from the glowtatoes, the glowtergol.
• the second batch is sent to the alchemists to turn into flour then processed into glue
• the third and last batch is sent to the tinkerers. They boil the glowtatoes and mash them into a paste, they press the paste into the shape of thin sheets. Once dried, the sheets are glued together, between 30 to 50 sheets, to get something stronger while still lighter than wood.

With the plytatoe they build a large crate able to carry two menn and some cargo.

The paper makers, then, glue together the sheets of glowtato paper and shape it into a huge ball with an opening. the paper ball is tied to the box by a bunch of ropes and a cauldron is attached under the ball's opening. The cauldron is then filled with the glowtergol and 20 to 30 Glowokov Cocktails and a refill barrel of glowtergol are loaded into the box.

To support the war effort all the scrap metal, but also the broken glass and every bit of bones from the butchers are sent to the smiths. with those materials they stuff some mashed glowtatoe paste with sharpened bits of scrap and shape them into small balls, like urchins. A box of those is also loaded into the plytatoe box.

once all preparations are done, the crew takes place into the box and light the glowtergol, the blue flame heat the air that inflates the paper ball and the glowtalloon takes off.

Once the floating glowtalloon arrives above the enemy positions the crew, ignite the Glowokov Cocktails and drop them on the evil carroteer. to be sure to maximise the effects, the attack is usually carried at night and once the first Glowokov Cocktails have been droped, the box of glowturchins is spread out on the enemy. In panic from the fire rain and surprise attack the enemy start running in all directions, often without equipping proper gear first and step or fall on the glowturchins, further harming and wounding the carroteer troops.

SMD (Spuds of Mass Destruction) An 80:20 mixture of powdered glowtato and powdered fire pepper is packed into pressurized containers (made of wood). It can be either sprayed for close-quarters combat, or a wooden tab can be pulled and the can thrown to become a glowtato-nade (grenade). Breathing it in causes debilitating pain and unless treated may result in breathing problems and suffocation.

In the noble war to defeat the evil Kingdom of Carrots, I humbly offer my weapons and plans to turn the tide for King Tato.

Before I present his most Great King Tato with the realms first true WMD, I offer glowtato donuts to fuel the army. Breakfast is a key part of the day and the army must be fed. Plus the sugar from the donuts will help lead to a sugar rush sending our troops into a frenzy.

Courtesy of Taste of Home https://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/mashed-potato-doughnuts/

1 package (1/4 ounce) active dry yeast 1 cup warm buttermilk (110° to 115°) 1-1/2 cups warm mashed potatoes (without added milk and butter) 3 eggs 1/3 cup butter, melted 3 cups sugar, divided 4 teaspoons baking powder 1-1/2 teaspoons baking soda 1 teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon ground nutmeg 6 cups all-purpose flour Oil for deep-fat frying 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

I present his holiness King Tato the Great, with our most devastating weapon and leave to his wisdom to use. We will extract the toxic chemical solanine from the glowtatos leaves, stems, and roots, by using the following process: [CENSORED]. The toxins will be condensed and placed into glass vials. The grenadiers and artillery (catapults) will use these most horrible weapons to bring the repugnant carrot tops into submission. The liquid in the vials once broken after thrown or launched will expose the liquid to the air and begin to take a vaporous form of the solanine creating toxic clouds. Those exposed will suffer from nausea, diarrhea, vomiting, stomach cramps, burning of the throat, cardiac dysrhythmia, nightmares, headache, dizziness, itching, eczema, thyroid problems, and inflammation and pain in the joints, hallucinations, loss of sensation, paralysis, fever, jaundice, dilated pupils, hypothermia, and death. This weapon will be known as - Glowing Death.

Pure liquid forms of solanine could be added to the enemies water supplies by our covert agents. Solanine is more lethal when ingested.

The psychological effects alone will win us the day and the umbellifers will surrender to King Tato's supremacy.

Let's be honest here, there's not much you can do to defeat a siege weapon that is capable of launching a 90kg projectile over 300m. You can, however, attack their one weakness... the feable crews operating these majestic machines.

"But Chasew! How are you gonna do that with just Glotatoes?"

Well buckle up Elyria, you're about to get science'd.

Enter Glowstridium Botulinum

That's right, we're talking biological warfare. Glotatoes have the perfect properties for growing the Glowstridium Botulinum spores, just enough starch, water and a slightlty alkalotic pH. Through a not so convoluted but still withheld process we're going to use our stockpile of glotatoes to manufacture these dangerous neuro toxin producing spores. We'll then send agents behind enemy lines to poison those filthy carrots. Food supplies, water sources, it's all fair game. It won't be long before their army is just a flaccid pile of bodies.

"But Chasew! Isn't that unethical?!"

Listen up, desperate time's call for desperate measures and I will not stand idly by while my fellow Glowtatomen are slain at the hands of these sub-mann carrots.

... I will however be stopped by a binding resolution drafted by surrounding kingdoms with the goal of establishing humanitarian treatment, protections for the wounded and sick, and protections for civilians in and around a war-zone.

Make a cloth sock mac with glowing potatoes and left over metal scrap! And start taking head off with the blunt force of your Glowing Metal Sock Mace of DOOM!!!!! Till it breaks then your dead lol

The Mighty Tater Cannon

The finest arts from both Hrothi & Waerd master craftsmenn are key to this plan.

Our Hrothi masons have fashioned for us a most marvelous device. Hewn from a single 200lb rock, a cylindrical core has been hollowed out from tip to almost one end. Perpendicular to this an equal size aperture is also cut.

Into this opening will go our ammunition of which we have plenty and more to harvest over the coming years; Glowtatos. First they must be baked, slow at first mind. Check on 'em regular like and as soon as the skin's radiance begins to ebb, whip em out and place into the Hrothi made molds, yeah they be looking like oversized stone egg boxes. Now back in yer kamodo and whack the heat up as hot as she will go. More air more coals. After 2 hours they can be removed and cooled. You'll have half dozen perfectly sized shots and hard as they come.

Now, simply pivot the Tater-Cannon pointing towards yer target, drop a shot into the opening, pour a measure from yer Waerdic fire flask and drop in the stopper. You'll be noticing that flint and steel has been incorporated into the stopper design; as this stone weight plugs the gap it also ignites the alchemical solution, propelling the hardened Glowtato shot.

We've tested this in the field and can confirm a direct hit on a carrot trebuchet supporting structure will cripple it beyond immediate repair. To be fair anything being hit by one of these flying tatties will be crippled beyond repair, be they wood or flesh.

Well, since resources are scarce

Destil some glowtatas into a concentrated glowing fluid. Then I craft a thin metal tube .. cover one end with a metal piece and the other with a round piece of glass .. pour some concentrated glowing fluid inside and tah dah! We have some Glowtata Sabers !

May the force be with you!

Behold! the potato that is so fried it hurts. Fried to be the sharpest potato out there. the tip glows a very faint glow as the tip of the fine sharp potato blade has a nice beautiful alchemy concoction of poison. the deadliest poison to all potato-kind! the potatos are bound together by very few metal chains just to make sure its is very secure. i would hate to see the poor carrot that ends up on this potato stick.

The Beast

As the master blacksmith I know when I have been beat. No metal no weapons.. or so you'd think but just because the Kingdom of Glotato has lose the battle and has no spare metal doesn't we can't make a weapon to win the war! I bestow upon you The Beast! The beast is five times the size of your average Glotato and crave the death and destruction of the carrot kingdom more the me. The beast will devour enemies and disrupt their ranks! Once you see The Beast eat your fellow soldiers you will see their ranks surrender before The beast! Mawhahahaha!

I believe the best possible tactic is to plan. Choose your area of combat, and "grease" the floor with glowtatos. Sliced thin enough and rubbed on the floor hard enough, none shall pass the slippery layer.

Even if they're fried, or mashed, this should still work. You can turn your fresh leftovers into a home defense solution.

Step 1: Cube an boil your potatoes, lots of potatoes. Step 2: Mash them, add water and stir till you have a very fluid, starchy liquid. Step 3: Place in pot on top of your walls and pour onto unwanted guests. This fluid should flow through all armors and allow raw skin of your guests to burn, boil and cook. if they are able to run away back to their siege camp, the starches in their wounds should help increase infections.

The event has ended ,and the results will be announced within the next three days!

Prizes for the winners ,and Event messages will be sent to all participants.

Thanks for joining in for the Weekly Event!

-FreeMann Tavern

Read how the War ended ,and the Event Closing Announcements on Page Two!